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Longing Longing Longing

from / by Yxu

/

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lyrics

there are points,
pinprickwells,
where tears swell,
then are leaden clovers
slowly exploding in my throat.
their center is without echo
and their feeling tremors on my tongue
(thinly and chilled)
as the winter tide does the shore:
an ultraviolet glow only rose deep.
her soul,
made raven-hair,
mops it up always
and without end:
a longing
longing
longing.

we made love
and after it
a pause
a knot
fraught with false responses
and the knowledge
we would be apart tomorrow.
she hid
her despondence
in a pillow
of cotton,
not thinking
i caught a
glimpse
or heard
a whisper
or a whimper
or a word.

so our talks
were a dog with a limp
then a shot pulled taut to a pop
through the matchstick woods,
a song, a lament:
how she sobbed
and shuddered,
how i stopped
and stuttered,
distraught,
sought to comfort her under covers
and wipe away
those ink blots of us
spread humbly beneath her eyes,
they seeped from two spots at once
as she slumbered seemed to sigh.

but i could still see the
glimmer from her pupils,
the bleak ponds where wolves
dead from hunger might lie.

(and this was every other weekend,
i lost count of how many times it happened:
the day together, impossible to enjoy
because of the weight of the weeks apart.)

during our days away from one another
we spoke on the phone
with broken tones
as though
condolences console
and we
didn't still feel the vast alone
after goodbye,
in cold beds,
or homes the wrong size.
yet i called her my reader
because these talks were the salve
the bandages for callouses and scabs.
and she called me her source of relief,
her leave from grief,
though she kneaded
her forehead into three creases.

the glyphs
i knew to mean:
my body,
her body,
and the longing between.

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from /, released May 1, 2011

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