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Deceit

from / by Yxu

/

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lyrics

deceit is a seed
sown so deep
in the middle left
of my chest,
a little blessure
that i bade
to be pitiful and beige,
quiet in that
goat hide grey:

death of a drum,
death of a drum,
death of a drum.

deceit is a seed
sown so deep
in the middle left
of my chest,
a little blessure
that i bade
to be pitiful and beige,
quiet in that
goat hide grey.

death of a drum,
floor of a lake
dried in my great depression
of a devastated landscape,
craterous space where i sleep,
right in between
where your fingers and your hands
meet.
crosshatched deep:
a pregnancy at nineteen.
forms that i call
the softest scourge:
your work.

i am the cause of your
hurt.
sketched on your eyelids,
that's a type of violence,
one mark for
everyday that i miss.
why my kiss are another's
why my wish is
(to love you).

to my daughter:
[i heard you've been asking about me.
i was away finishing growing up,
trying on excuses,
trying not to look in the mirror,
trying to fill the hollow of my stomach
used to cast the plaster busts
of my hunger and longing.
i was hiding my face, using her body double.
i couldn't keep together
my frame:
a discarded dresser,
drawers disheveled
pouring from their broken home
my ribs.
so i beg
of you both
repose.]

the novel that i wrote between
your naval and your womb,
the thesis that i typed between
your thighs,
doesn't even know me.
you told me
she hates me:
the rose called betrayal in me
blooms as the letter that i
penned her.
my "a" of a failure,
a fool to consider everything i write as apology,
amends for the night
i needed you so much
that i settled for a double.

i know that your face
is the goal of every faith.

i know that your face
is the goal of every faith,
and so i am afraid
if you knew who
lives in my dreams,
knew my act,
you would never
touch me
trust me
love me
or let me see my daughter again.

man of thorns
how were you so unfaithful?
to let her toil while you lived as you did?
you should know
that your regret will never be so profound
as to alone persuade her forgiveness.
the truth will scar you both,
but your actions
then and now
are the coldest blade.

i know that your face
is the goal of every faith,
and so i was afraid
after hearing your name for me
(the way in which you say it
the peaks of the pines:
the sound that belongs only to your lips)
slip from her's,
that if i looked again
i would see you.

what then?
my god.
what then?

credits

from /, released May 1, 2011

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